Cast Away

Eyes search the ground
skull swollen with grief
words separate this fall
like the barrier reef.

The rain keeps coming
the waves on insist
each tear, each river,
flows south, to the wrist.
For each winter?
For each rotten year?
For how many to come?
A blink on the line?
A beep on the scale?
Thrown back after the catch.
Cast again and dismiss.














- Oct. 25 2013 -

The ocean

Love, Chapter one, feels like watching the surf.

At a distance, blue as ever, and reliably patterned.

It churns, yet you want a part.

Chapter two is the first wave that almost kisses your feet.

The escaped feeling of missing the water's touch: both relief and disrupt.

You wish it to return & it does.

Love rushes back.

Chapter three is cold & not unlike warmth, feels natural. 

Tender and strong waves of liquid glass fall upon your feet, endearing you in. 

"Please, give me more than a dip. Give me more than a kiss on the cheek. Give me more than your longing gaze."

Sometimes it crashes upon itself, shortening it's own reach... Does that hinder you?

Does it make you scoff? Does that mean it won't last? 

Chapter four begins with the numbness in your feet, adjustment to the new mode.

And you walk in. And it rushes you.

Can you stand? Do you stand against it? 

Do you accept the wash-over, and swim to give it reason to lift you up?

Do you move onto chapter five?

Do you cherish the salt of love?

When you take a step back so it never envelopes you, have you loved the ocean, or agreed to let it try to love you for a time?

Does your heart move you to taste it? Wash your hair in it?

Heal your hot, tired soles?

So it's strength shows it's weakness... The foam that lifts and caresses the surface. The way it expels it's exhaustion. The work it expends to reach for you.

And you've stepped back?

Has the sound drowned you?

Let it be all you hear.

Birds, worries, money, labor, sadness, will be dealt, 

and heard 

but you still need your ocean to come home to.

1 Year

I watched a year swing by
without actually watching the time.
I saw almost nothing in the present.
Not my graduating joy.
Or your roses.
Or the ocean's strength.

Blind eyes that leak.
Ears that hear a moment's selection.
Hands that hold... And hold on.
A mind that locks memory at
-a landscape
-a realization
-a sound
-a feeling
-words written & read &
spoken with power,
but have seen no action.

A heart as open & warm as a box of kittens...
In the pouring sleet.
Bring the rain on,
I've been waiting for a reason to scream.

Questions.

Is it true love to wish better
for the person you love?
Or is love, feeling torture
at the thought of that one
with someone else?

Is it true fire to feel anger
from heavy, lonely eyes?
Or is fire what we use
to ignite our past?

Is true loyalty a dedication
to a thought or person?
Or is loyalty a trap
we set ourselves in,
when our pain of loss
cannot bear another turn?

Done.

Vague.
Poured out.
Shaking
Echoing breaths over sheets
This is true
This is pain
Where's my ocean,
To save me?

A Need for Four Seasons

When the winter life rolls in, takes over,
Freezes my will to oppose it...
Your strong hands, intently holding mine
And your whisper to turn my back against the icy wind,
to look across at the warm return...
that's when I need you most.

And spring comes along,
with much rain and grey-sky,
with it's draining trenches...
But somewhere in the distance
you've pointed at some silver clouds,
you draw my hand to trace it- and
when I find it easier to laugh,
I look up to understand immediately
that this is when I need you the most.

But summer's heat does not mix
with my hair, altho the sun begs it to
be friends with long-distances kisses.
So I am bothered, sick, and
trying my hardest to
love, love, love air conditioning.
You insist that I keep dancing,
you fan me with gentle stories
to ease my many weary days.
And as I breathe easy, I fall asleep re-living
your compassion & patience;
I realize today was when I needed you most.

Then fall set in, but your hands
were tired from the year, and you would not tell me.
So I brought out a tucked-away letter,
written while I had waited up for your call one summer evening.
It read of how special you make
me feel every day of every season,
and how each one before us had been terribly incomplete.

"When you don't know what you don't have- what you don't know you ARE missing- the world can seem a felicity place. But with you, my world is brand new and I won't explore it alone."

You remembered that night,
Now your laugh lines pulled tight-
and I kissed your forehead like you
had kissed mine.
And I knew I had never needed you more.
----

xoxo, bex.

Where do I belong?

What am I to you, really?
a strand of emotion?
a habit when you need to make an expression?

...background music?

"Everything isn't everything, if everything isn't with you."
Don't you agree?
Where have you been?

"I'm impatient, I apologize."
I know things are tough.
I know life is changing.

Life is a constant adjustment, once said to me.
I see now, it is.
I'm stepping back, adjusting to my new view.
Letting that talk of how much value I have,
have that chance to show me.

Don't let me down.
Please, my heart will drown.



It's my mistake and it's hurting me.
I should deal with this, but I'm hiding.

Aquamarine Nerves

Cool fingertips rest on the lap.
Unsure.
Think about it, are they shaking?
They're not moving, but are they pulsing?

He's good, but does he know?
He's breathtaking, but is he breathing?

Letter three, and twenty three... about seven or forty times a day,
it crosses, multiplying above my head.
Letters, these forms of two dimensional life,
make the heart in my body
go pitter-patter.
The heart in my body is his.
He loves it, but will he take it?

Wearing down,
the tread?
the rhythm?
the days 'til love
breaks apart every nerve you have left?
Wearing down of a smile?
Wearing down of fear?
The wearing of a smile?
The smile that renders me weak?
Blush? Melt?
Yes.
The one that creates possibility.
Accept all answers
with a nod, and a questioning smile.
I won't speak, but keep asking
with ocean eyes.
Do I wear you down?
With my letters?
With my eyes?
Or can I cook you dinner?

which is it?







xo, bex.


---------------------------------

The World Isnt Speechless Always

Put a painful space between us
Lay it down, smooth it out.
It's a world of untouched matter
What lies here between, you and I.
And what do you hear when I speak?
And do you smile to hear my name?
I trust my soul your kiss to keep,
And never depart; never to trade.

Un-arranged and ill-tempered I stay
Stay here and fix my daily flaw,
Singing notes up the heights of my wall
Climbing season won't be later than the fall.
Maybe by then my fortress will be ivied
And you will bear up, no fight be.

Maybe love will grab you by the throat,
Halfway down the road.
Maybe it will plead with you by your shirt-collar: "Will you leave what completes you, behind?? Will you race off before your heart chases you to rewind?? Your star left unpolished won't shine!!"

Spine attached to feet, if I'm one, you're another.
Over and over we connect all the parts, to each other.
No use in time's ticking, I must have you admit.

Won't you regret seeing the world?
Won't you miss it's green, it's rain tears in your hair? Down your chin?
Do you still hear it singing when the sun warms your face?
Will moss grow over your steps before you retrace?

Don't you know it shines the brightest when YOU water it?
When you sit down & gaze upon the hills? The forests' silence is in awe when you visit.

Be dry, riverbed. Save your power for the sowing season.
There's a wind I feel, to bring drought & ice...
Rest the tears of your perfect green eyes,
It's the sea tide's turn to cry.

6:00 am aqua

Music slowly chimes in
We float past the waters edge,
With house lights reflecting in the serenity
Even trees touch it.
But Earth's breath couldn't disturb it
I see two of everything- which is real?

Random poetism-ism-s :)

Comfort eyes and wide bow lips
& a voice that could carry a hundred ships.
Dashing smooth and humble pie
No crows feet, or wrinkled lies

As honest as I feel I am
You are the same to me
Nothing says otherwise
Even the whispering trees.

Honey the clouds aren't swung enough
To make me believe a lie.
I'd see one if you'd tell it,
but you have no reason why.
We've come to see the intelligence it takes to tango just two,
and I'm practicing in the dark where all their torches can't shine thru ..
But with 3 the road is simpler, unbreakable at best-
and there's no need to grow tired from it, we won't need much time to rest.
You pick me up with the switch of a tongue, I heard what you didn't even say...
You flip my frown, when I'm feeling down, and you still will when I'm gray.

Big bangs! Seattle-walkin'!

Avoiding conversation with passers-by, by keeping the headphones in. lol

Goodnight ladies & gentlemen.

<3, bex.

eight, twenty two, eleven

Are there days I skipped or didn't see?
I'm missing a vital piece of me


I turned this house over & never saw
that heirloom, that color, or any dropped flaw...


Maybe it's at the top of those stairs
or hiding in with the silverware...


I know it's around, you are still in my mind.
It's a really helpful thing you showed me one time.


But, you're far away.. can't help me look now
I'm jogging my streets & talking out loud.


Retelling the same story, where are you to stop me?
What happened to the fresh ink, the endless words I copy?


My writing's plugged up & I'm yawning again...
vowels pushing around blocks, to the consonant's end.
They won't quit, they just ramble & ring in my ears.
Who knows how many wasted lines before the sentence clears...




[ I'm still here.... floating around. Don't forget me! x) 
  Be safe! xoxo, Bex]

Weird :)

Where is that escape
The one I have known
So well, the one who never mistook
My firmness for stone.
Tangled is all, just simple grey
& writhing for freedom, sorrow
Is not here this year, or even just for today.

But anticipation, of a thing I know-
A feeling I have with no doubt...
Like steam searching for cracks of the hinges it can't see in the dark.

I have prayed to flourish, and
Seeing what I've come to be before you, gives me fever to share what else I've got.
You've breached a shore you didn't know existed, now you got me feeling on top.

I have never wanted to be masked since I met you. I will never descend again.

Can I ever repay you?

-------------

It's About Time... :)

Whew! What a break I took. Sorry, that was unexpected. Not that you were all hanging on my shoestrings for the last 2 weeks... waiting for my post, right...? ...Right?(this is the part where you tell me I'm wrong)


Thanks for being so patient :) I am glad you came back, either way! ENJOY :} 
Please.

I wanna know what it is you write in your home,
when your thoughts take you away, far off to your zone


I wanna see your eyes and the gears behind, turn
I will count them close and fix your every concern.


I imagine you bowed in a thoughtful pose,
in a chair, at a desk, with a window that's closed...
To block out any noise that could steal a great hook,
& you'd tap your pen on the nearest fat book.


Left hand will search your face for a time,
then Right moves fast to catch that witty rhyme.


For a few minutes I think, your pen doesn't stop,
your expressions fly side to side, from the bottom & top.


But to witness my vision on the same solid ground...
Your elation, your peace, to hear every awakened sound,
might take my writing to a whole new height,
it'd be an esteeming thing, to watch you mid-flight.


When your colors align and your eyes get that fire,
your mind's sparks gather every token they can acquire.
There's no end to the way you find higher roads to take,
Your ideas are refreshing, so old thinking you break.


With this stage of renewal, new levels bring new paths,
I am strengthened and blessed by this friendship to have.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While you cursed in torment, knee's up to your chest
you asked just for a breath & then pleaded for rest..
what else could I do, besides hold up your head
in patience just cradle, & feel the hope spread.

Your heart tried to give up on you so I said 'take a deep breath,
take another one - hold it - let go, now my friend.'

And your inhale was as strong as the day you were born,
you still hurt but you made it, a bit feathered and torn.
Still, thru day 1, and a full twenty four hours
you carried your vice, & still clutching your power...

The grey hours to follow, you may not remember
but to me, your life in that moment, I held most tender...
your memories, your love, the best things that make you
are invaluable, cherished to not just a few...

________________________________________________

stories...

Let's flashback to high school...  ahh ok now & let's reminisce over 2 minute crushes... :) Don't you miss them? ...No? Me neither :]

Here's to the sentiment, though, and the THANKFULNESS that I don't struggle with this anymore...

10-19-2004

When I tell a story...

your stare is constant,

never faultering, to keep my eyes

very alive

I feel your aura

breathing into mine

will you finish

what you've begun 

or let it hang empty,

like my hands?

_________________________

everybody's got problems

I wanna fix your problems
when I've got some too,
Let's work on yours right now
so mine seem far and few...

I keep turning up the volume
Let's hear that music on full blast;
As loud as my ears can stand,
okay, now what were you gonna ask?

Is that selfish? I don't want you to hurt, ever.
Is it still right if I have 2 good reasons?
Or do they really make a wrong?
Does this mean your bond wasn't strong?

Anyway it's hard missing you
"and in that moment I realized you were perfect"
is harder to swallow,
when it's not a dream, talking about you.

Whew! Corny. But I'm lovin' it. Go away McDonalds.

oh for the record, you are the sun in my sky
you're the grain in my rye, the day to my night...

missing you is something I could never get used to
'cause every day is another day I choose you.

so don't every go away
don't tell me you can't stay
I'm right here with you, you're right here with me
and that's as far away as we need to be...



______________________________________________________

old habits - shall die young

Just like last time,
you're all that's on my mind.
Even when you're not.

At thoughts of your long-lost charm
I can't strengthen my weak breath...

or stop the curl at the edge of my mouth...
it's like,
holding onto hating you is
all I feel I have left.

So next time I cross your mind
will your heart skip a single, unnoticed beat?
Will you accidentally forget a name, in the middle of your speech?
Or will you push me even further aside...
Until you spring clean and throw me away?

Here I find myself again,
writing these words that don't matter - to you.
writing on lines that don't care - about you.
writing about someone who doesn't care - about me.

I think it's time I was done with you.
___________________________________

Friday Feature

Ok, here's the plan. (You all read this post on Tuesday, yes?)

Good, keep this tab open :) 

And right click HERE. Choose "Open in new tab."
The song should start automatically after it loads, be patient!

And read Tuesdays post again... while letting the other tab play.

And then tell me if you feel what I wrote. This is obviously a little different than usual.

But I don't often write with the instrumentals of anything playing in my head, so.... 

Just testing the waters here.

It's by Bitcrush: "Falling Inward" <-- FYI, it's a little tricky to find on Youtube...  I wish you happy searching, if the link doesn't play thru completely. Give me a heads up if it won't cooperate for you & I'll email you the song :)

Here's the rest of the plan(in case you were wondering):

HAVE A GREAT WEEEEEEEE-KEND! :}

But umm, since this weekend is the Nation's "Freedom Celebration," be sure to use caution(wear goggles, and gloves too!) when driving thru neighborhoods full of rambunctious children. You know who I'm talking about- the kids/parents/pyromaniac's setting off their fireworks in the middle of the ROAD. 

I just wanna yell: "Hello! Responsible adult with business to take care of, COMING THRU!"

*shakes head*

I know none of you darlings would ever be caught lighting your 

neighborhoods on fire, or blowing off an arm accidentally. Ahem, Correct????...???!!

That's what I thought :)

Be safe, please.

<3, bex