Cast Away

Eyes search the ground
skull swollen with grief
words separate this fall
like the barrier reef.

The rain keeps coming
the waves on insist
each tear, each river,
flows south, to the wrist.
For each winter?
For each rotten year?
For how many to come?
A blink on the line?
A beep on the scale?
Thrown back after the catch.
Cast again and dismiss.














- Oct. 25 2013 -

Aquamarine Nerves

Cool fingertips rest on the lap.
Unsure.
Think about it, are they shaking?
They're not moving, but are they pulsing?

He's good, but does he know?
He's breathtaking, but is he breathing?

Letter three, and twenty three... about seven or forty times a day,
it crosses, multiplying above my head.
Letters, these forms of two dimensional life,
make the heart in my body
go pitter-patter.
The heart in my body is his.
He loves it, but will he take it?

Wearing down,
the tread?
the rhythm?
the days 'til love
breaks apart every nerve you have left?
Wearing down of a smile?
Wearing down of fear?
The wearing of a smile?
The smile that renders me weak?
Blush? Melt?
Yes.
The one that creates possibility.
Accept all answers
with a nod, and a questioning smile.
I won't speak, but keep asking
with ocean eyes.
Do I wear you down?
With my letters?
With my eyes?
Or can I cook you dinner?

which is it?







xo, bex.


---------------------------------

It's About Time... :)

Whew! What a break I took. Sorry, that was unexpected. Not that you were all hanging on my shoestrings for the last 2 weeks... waiting for my post, right...? ...Right?(this is the part where you tell me I'm wrong)


Thanks for being so patient :) I am glad you came back, either way! ENJOY :} 
Please.

I wanna know what it is you write in your home,
when your thoughts take you away, far off to your zone


I wanna see your eyes and the gears behind, turn
I will count them close and fix your every concern.


I imagine you bowed in a thoughtful pose,
in a chair, at a desk, with a window that's closed...
To block out any noise that could steal a great hook,
& you'd tap your pen on the nearest fat book.


Left hand will search your face for a time,
then Right moves fast to catch that witty rhyme.


For a few minutes I think, your pen doesn't stop,
your expressions fly side to side, from the bottom & top.


But to witness my vision on the same solid ground...
Your elation, your peace, to hear every awakened sound,
might take my writing to a whole new height,
it'd be an esteeming thing, to watch you mid-flight.


When your colors align and your eyes get that fire,
your mind's sparks gather every token they can acquire.
There's no end to the way you find higher roads to take,
Your ideas are refreshing, so old thinking you break.


With this stage of renewal, new levels bring new paths,
I am strengthened and blessed by this friendship to have.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday grew wings!!

Whoa. My Friday flew by a little faster than I expected, how about yours?? I'm getting ready for bed and wanted to drop you all a line- I didn't forget my promise... Of an announcement!

Remember when I said "this dirty thing" a few weeks back? You didn't click thru, did you? :P I don't blame you. So it's called the "Survivor Mud Run" and I'll be participating tomorrow with a few friends. Wish me speedy legs and expansive lungs!!

I'll be back Tuesday with a mini-recap hopefully if I remember(someone PLEASE remind me!)!
Take care :]

<3, cyber-Bex (heh heh don't be J.)

bloom.

I saw a moving picture
a little red head girl was entranced by the sight of an unfolding orange flower.
That is how I feel, most days.


discovering things I thought I knew,
discovering me, in different ways.


I am picky, I am inconsistent.
I want everything, while I want nothing but honesty.


I betrayed you. I was keeping my options open,
when I told you it was wrong...
and now I, twice burned myself
and reach back for a third- 
and the flame is gone.
Why?
I am the one who turned it off.
Why am I sad?


So I write.
And I will keep doing this until
I have figured it out. Which,
won't happen... I've already smoldered the struggling spark.


-------------------------------------------------------------------

First Day of School. Again.

I know you all want to hear about this... ;P

Monday, was my first day back to "School," aka "College." I had a constant adrenaline rush all morning 'cause I was so nervous, but it was sort of a good, swimming blur(so good, that I fell into a 2 hour coma when I got home around 5pm.). I met my quarter "quota" of ONE new friend per class(2 of them!) by Thursday. Let me elaborate...

    -Met James, in my very first class for Systems Concepts(M/W/F), on the very first day. Tuesday, I had my Dreamweaver class(Tues/Thrs) and nervously flashed a grin at the girl who came and sat down next to me. So Wednesday back to my 1st class....but then James wasn't there ...And just WHO was I supposed to sit by?! Haha I kid. I made it through like an adult, taking notes in all my glory, while the teacher gave his lecture. And the lady sitting in front of me tactfully turned around to make sure I was paying attention halfway thru the class(Pfff).

Thursday, upon entering my Dreamweaver class again- there was 'nice girl' walking in too. So I threw my brave-face to her and asked "Are you gonna sit by me? I'm Bex[err..whatever my real name is]." She accepted my invitation. I am very pleased with my lack of conversation skills. HA!
    -Oh! and her name is Courtney. Just to prove that she really exists.

Stresses? My books for both classes JUST came in today -_- So I'll be doing homework, write-ups, analysis([pluralized?? analyses?) over my WEEKEND, instead of playing, like all normal college-kids are supposed to ;)


Overall Analysis?(I'm over-using this word to prepare myself for 'Computer Concepts' assignments- ALL of them are titled "Unit analysis such-and-such.") ...I think I'll survive this after all :)

Prediction:I'll be cooped up in my 'weekend pants' every evening from 5-10 if you need me. Enjoy yourselves! Tell me about your adventures :) So I can vicariously live thru yours!!

xoxo, bex

Two-es-Day!

I'd like to start off by announcing that my 'google reader' is quite full, and I can actually hear it, long after I've closed the tab in my browser... it's like this: 

"Hey YOU! Yeah, you with the FACE. Why do you subscribe to all these informational/great & colorful/hilarious blogs and then forget to READ them? And you complain about not having a book to fill your spare time... you should be ASHAMED."

And so I am ashamed. And so then I dig up old poems like this delight, to compensate(ha!). I am quite(shout-out to my friend, the word 'quite' that I keep using!) pleased with it, even as old as it is. And I wish so much that it wasn't so old.


But alas, I'll add that to the ever-growing wish-list I've recently began. :]
Ever get told off by your closed web-browsers? Yeah, me neither.... moving along folks! Here is your dosage of Poetism for the week. Enjoy it's brevity!! You'll thank me later! 


In your absence since always
I've pictured you sleeping
so quiet and peaceful
a dreamer just dreaming.
Your eyelids will flutter
your hand moves to mine
I've stroked thru your hair
to help open your eyes.
If maybe someday really
I'd get that chance to cherish
your subconscious movements
in each day of marriage.


PS: It's sunny out!!!! Does this mean EARLY summer?!>!>!>>!>!!?!??!?!??!mvo;ijert5gn;jtr4gnKMSDNgfaergt


oh my gash, I'm so excited for my iphone.. everytime the FedEx truck drives by, I'm convinced it's time to commit myself to Apple, finally. But that day hasn't come yet ;) HA PRAXIS.
xoxo, THE BEX.

I only can give you what I love today.

CUTE! Things money cannot buy...
a site to remind us what little things make up the best parts of our day. :]

I think I have most of this list down... hopefully. :P Things everyone should know how to do!! I like it.

Check out this AH-MAZE-ING collection of people's "before & after" projects. The host of this website always has a funny addition to read, and my last sharing-is-caring moment of today....

1,000 Awesome Things. I'm pretty sure I've linked you to this before, but it's always got a freshly-posted-awesome-thing to let you secretly admit that you agree with!! :)

LOVE!
xox bex...


p.s. I dyed my hair!

Oregon. Orrrr-eh-gawn. Ore-gone?

I once crossed the border into a distant land.
I once saw things I've never seen before... nor may see again.
And I also tried on items of clothing... I will never try on again.

Can you imagine me:
-sleep deprived
-stuffed with food(specifically Gingerbread Pancake Puppies from Denny's)(<--I recommend)
-just drove straight 3.5 hours- starting at 11:30pm from a previously full 8 hour day at work...?

Now imagine my mood(HA! Gotcha. You thought I was talking about that first, huh?)!! Don't worry, lots of coffee was involved.

NOW IMAGINE... ok just kidding... Why, you ask? BLACK FRIDAY SALES, of course! (yes I realize I'm just NOW getting around to telling you about it.)
Here's the car group...

We've got Jules. Fashionista; in search of boots at le Macy's. 

Also wielding a SERIOUS coupon for Express.

GOOD NEWS! She found boots! TWO pair to be exact! AND at the low price of $60(for both!!!)

Then we have Kid. He's the bodyguard(unpaid, unless you consider my amazing homemade jokes a form of reimbursement), for about 12 hours of work- including, but not limited to:

-holding doors open & following the ladies lead 

-holding most bags in addition to the doors, AND last & most important... 

-keeping me awake on the drive home(he slept, btw!). 

Did I mention he was wonderful company as well??

It's true. Look how good of a sport he was:

A true champ to endure a long-haul-of-estrogen-powered-shopping-extravaganza.
PHEW! I should have acquired this hat.

Anyway. Lastly, & not leastly, we have Abby. 

Quiet, faithfully obedient to my unspoken "come'ere's!" and ADORABLE.

Kid had a hard time fighting off all the paparazzi!

See proof:

Look at that hammin' cheeser :) Precious.
Umm... Are you jealous? Sit down, hooligan. She's out of your league.
She even supported me, when I was sure I was hearing voices. What a friend!

AND when they cheered me on to model the worst jewelry of 2010...

 ...She even helped me load it all on. Oh man, Abby's a trooper :)

Oh? Tired of my story-telling, are you?
You just wanna see pictures and get it over with, do you?
HMMPH!
More hats were seen, check this character...

No, that's not your imagination, this hat really has a tail. ^

Besides my normal-scary picture-capades.... 

...looks like all you lovely dovefaces made it back here with most of your pieces in-tact to read my latest post. So I am glad to wish you all a WARM week(it's dumping giant fluffy snowflakes here within the last hour) and keep putting CLEAN socks into the dryer to warm those toes. Or skip to the end of last Friday's post, for a fresh recommendation from my friend, to get yourself some toe socks(I dont recommend, if you have wide-tootsies.)

*waves*

TOODLES!!! Drive with care this weekend!!!!!

xoxo bex

yesterday. zombie nights

I should be horizontal
I should be about 2 hours into R.E.M.
But my mind won't stop,
    visualizing changes
    predicting the flutter of dust in the air:
You name it, my brain's creating a project.

Come 7:30 and I'll be
steadfastly dedicated to
hitting 'dismiss' on my alarm.
And too, I must flip on the light
now to see what I'm writing.

To spill currency in foreign
languages.
To search giant dominoes on ebay.
To decide it's imaginable
that I can run 3 miles
without pausing.

It was too early, to be sad already.

4:46 AM & yes. The light breaking through my window, & beating on my eyelids was rude.
Way too early, for that mess. I reach up towards the small bookshelf with my eyes closed & right hand, trying to shuffle lightly to find my phone, without knocking anything off the surface. Unsuccessful.
It was where I left it- on the charger under my pillow. Ahh, there you are.

Time: 4:47 AM & I can't help but unconsciously think to myself how much I LOATHE & could hurt something, for waking up before my alarm goes off. And if it were Saturday, the one that was 2 days ago... I would have seen your name there, on my phone. But its Monday, and I hate Mondays now.

11:18 AM & I'm fairly busy at work. My cell rings & I panic. It never rings at work, so my reflex is to grab & walk. I stand up, "This is ________." What's that? I'm outside now. You got my application? And you want me to re-apply? CAN DO. As I hang up, I'm so nervous. What if they actually like me? This travel agency is in another town- that means commuting. I talk and talk about wanting to work there, but I'm also afraid I have less confidence in myself, than is normal. What in the world is wrong with me?

    This absurdity- how I am acting- is over the top and needs to end. How do I un-shake myself from being such a silly, FRET?

Monday

I don't know what to do with myself. =/

I'm eating dried apricots & yeah don't ask...

   As I stumble around the office today, blustery indoors somehow... (why am I blustery today, anyway?) I tripped across the carpet, in my heels. Yay.
   The solid-grey backdrop to the robustly-lime shade tree out front, cheers me up only a little, because the week has YET to smack me in the face. But I would like to try and cheer someone ELSE up.... so HERE is the poetism I promised you yesterday. Yes, it was like 1am, and usually I would consider that a Saturday night, but lets just pretend for the sake of the forbiddenly scary Monday it is, that I haven't procrastinated....

....

"Whats to even say about the loss of sleep

about the restless tossing, the untucking of sheets?

Whats to add, to prove this clear?

that wine doesn't comfort when you're not here?

I thought it was simple, no converse for the seven

But its only been three, and its feels like eleven...

This ink, my escape, the only one I've told

about my sunken treasure or the reason I glow.

People are fickle, they just wander about

changing on whims, and ignoring the clouds.

So I tell my secrets to my fingertips and pen

and watch what happens again and again.

When my hands and the pen agree on a line

I've been sitting and watching for quite a long time.

So whilst I do wait, and remember your face

your smile sincere, your features I trace...

The words on my paper form a picture so well,

I stare, and OH how I wish I had someone to tell!

And I'm looking at you, and hope you're missing me

as badly in dreaming as I need you to be."