Cast Away

Eyes search the ground
skull swollen with grief
words separate this fall
like the barrier reef.

The rain keeps coming
the waves on insist
each tear, each river,
flows south, to the wrist.
For each winter?
For each rotten year?
For how many to come?
A blink on the line?
A beep on the scale?
Thrown back after the catch.
Cast again and dismiss.














- Oct. 25 2013 -

The ocean

Love, Chapter one, feels like watching the surf.

At a distance, blue as ever, and reliably patterned.

It churns, yet you want a part.

Chapter two is the first wave that almost kisses your feet.

The escaped feeling of missing the water's touch: both relief and disrupt.

You wish it to return & it does.

Love rushes back.

Chapter three is cold & not unlike warmth, feels natural. 

Tender and strong waves of liquid glass fall upon your feet, endearing you in. 

"Please, give me more than a dip. Give me more than a kiss on the cheek. Give me more than your longing gaze."

Sometimes it crashes upon itself, shortening it's own reach... Does that hinder you?

Does it make you scoff? Does that mean it won't last? 

Chapter four begins with the numbness in your feet, adjustment to the new mode.

And you walk in. And it rushes you.

Can you stand? Do you stand against it? 

Do you accept the wash-over, and swim to give it reason to lift you up?

Do you move onto chapter five?

Do you cherish the salt of love?

When you take a step back so it never envelopes you, have you loved the ocean, or agreed to let it try to love you for a time?

Does your heart move you to taste it? Wash your hair in it?

Heal your hot, tired soles?

So it's strength shows it's weakness... The foam that lifts and caresses the surface. The way it expels it's exhaustion. The work it expends to reach for you.

And you've stepped back?

Has the sound drowned you?

Let it be all you hear.

Birds, worries, money, labor, sadness, will be dealt, 

and heard 

but you still need your ocean to come home to.

I just can't kick it

Hyperventilate
a little, a gasp in your honor
to imagine much longer.
inciting for tears and
more love to join
when the thought grows
of it being years.

I never needed a wall
when in your company,
more so when
You felt so small
and no one else saw it
but me.

February Catchup

Good Afternoon, Monday!
I'd like to take a minute or two and discuss briefly my past couple years on ' thewaywelaugh.'
I have loved having my own personal internet space. Knowing people are visiting & reading my aimless thoughts, is the little tiny bit of secular fulfillment that my ego needs every here & there. And this isn't a "It's been nice to know you, so goodbye" post. Definitely staying.

(*applause*?)

Just wanted to say "Hi, thank you SO gratefully, and please keep comfy."

I think now I've "remodeled" my website 3 times over the last couple years, just to keep things fresh. I did so again last Tuesday & I would like to hear your thoughts, if you noticed ;] ...

I've made some specific dedications on here in the past & this heartfelt post will be no different. Laughing is a cure to me. And to be honest, I haven't had as many good, hearty laughing sessions as I have needed in the last 6 months. I've had a relatively rough time adjusting to big-kid life, accepting some changes I've had to make, & leaning on certain people that I never expected to open up to. Into my life again, walked a woman that has both walked in & out of my life numerous times. Our friendship has transcended rationale. We've fought hard, we've cried together, we agree often & we have often agreed-to-disagree. For one, or a billion reasons, our friendship has reunited & glued us together for eternities that we'll never understand. But since the airing of the Disney Classic The Fox & The Hound, our mutual agreement upon the following lines couldn't be easier:

- "We'll always be friends forever, won't we?"

- "Yeah, forever."

That seals the deal. So Kelly, thank you for everything. Your sly humor, your teasing, your generosity, advice, hard-knock-love and your hugs when I've needed a lift so badly. They've meant more than all our growing mistakes. I will always support you in whatever you allow me to, & be there, for whatever new circumstance approaches your life. I can't wait for lots of years and more life shared with you, my ultimate best friend.

There have been numerous others as well, who have been there to share an insightful viewpoint, shake a finger at my mouth, and/or just hear me out when asked: "So how ARE you?"  And those particular ones who have been "granted" "the golden nugget of my friendship"... I thank you also. Heavily.

Katie(You just are the best kind of friend material. I love how easily you make me laugh. Don't stop.)
Mariah R.(You quickly shake me down into a condensed, more ideal version of myself)
Abby(You support me through anything, & tell me how it is, too)
Marino(You aren't afraid to yell at me when I need it, & keep me realistic. Huge respect, friend.)
Adam(You manage to still love me, even though I'm not the ideal family member)
Courtney(You GET me. And you always will. Couldn't deny that if I tried)
Patrick(Best brother ever, you keep me distracted exactly when I need it),

...these have all been little rocks along my way of instability. And a few others that I can't mention. You know who YOU are. And you're still here reading, which continues to prove your support & concern.

Everyone? Sincerely, I love you.


love, bex

Ohio in snapshots

Now that I have returned & the dust has settled... here are my tiny adventures.

 I am officially back from Ohio, and I officially won't go
back for YEARS. I hope my family & the friends
I actually have left there, come visit me in Seattle now.
No offense, I'm just all Ohio'ed out.

My first childhood friend Rachel & I, bottom left.

We went to a big-kid's version of chuck-e-cheese's called "Scene 75" and played hard. We survived Glow-in-the-dark Mini Golf, climbed ourselves through the Laser-Frenzy, dislocated a shoulder in the Bouncy House, & danced the rest of the night away with excellent DJ'd jams til we were so thirsty,  the snow on the ground looked appealing. But not before the incredible 12 Foot Mosaic-tiled Michael Jackson caught my eye.

 My grandparents have such quirks. Grandma's silly sayings crack her up so hard, she's still laughing 6 minutes later. Grandpa often takes naps with shoes on, sticking out of his blankets & off the edge of the bed. And my mom's hair does it's own thing when it senses she's not using a mirror.

And last. These are where the feelings run deep. These kids sincerely weaved themselves into my brain synapses.
I miss them like crazy.
{Clockwise from top left}
Sweet baby Aurora, just new & curious with her Disney-eyes; she stole me away. Gavin's quiet sneakiness, and sincere obedience to his parent's voice melted my pre-parent core. No one besides this kid, can make his brother Maverick laugh so hilariously.My darling Payton... who knew a 4 year old could be so witty? She's sharper than I ever hope to be & yet loving all at once. Baby Jaxon's good manner & shocking blue eyes had me captivated the whole time. I miss all my little loves.

Questions.

Is it true love to wish better
for the person you love?
Or is love, feeling torture
at the thought of that one
with someone else?

Is it true fire to feel anger
from heavy, lonely eyes?
Or is fire what we use
to ignite our past?

Is true loyalty a dedication
to a thought or person?
Or is loyalty a trap
we set ourselves in,
when our pain of loss
cannot bear another turn?

Done.

Vague.
Poured out.
Shaking
Echoing breaths over sheets
This is true
This is pain
Where's my ocean,
To save me?

Surface

Misty morning silhouettes of trees
And hills and heavier clouds
And a painted highlight perfectly drawn down across the water.
The grey smooth stone
The grey sparkling fever that I can't detach my gaze from.
Adorn.
My ocean is calm today,
My ocean is worn away.
Just right
Just right.

Float me on waters perfection.
I will see it, everlastingly

Where do I belong?

What am I to you, really?
a strand of emotion?
a habit when you need to make an expression?

...background music?

"Everything isn't everything, if everything isn't with you."
Don't you agree?
Where have you been?

"I'm impatient, I apologize."
I know things are tough.
I know life is changing.

Life is a constant adjustment, once said to me.
I see now, it is.
I'm stepping back, adjusting to my new view.
Letting that talk of how much value I have,
have that chance to show me.

Don't let me down.
Please, my heart will drown.



It's my mistake and it's hurting me.
I should deal with this, but I'm hiding.

Aquamarine Nerves

Cool fingertips rest on the lap.
Unsure.
Think about it, are they shaking?
They're not moving, but are they pulsing?

He's good, but does he know?
He's breathtaking, but is he breathing?

Letter three, and twenty three... about seven or forty times a day,
it crosses, multiplying above my head.
Letters, these forms of two dimensional life,
make the heart in my body
go pitter-patter.
The heart in my body is his.
He loves it, but will he take it?

Wearing down,
the tread?
the rhythm?
the days 'til love
breaks apart every nerve you have left?
Wearing down of a smile?
Wearing down of fear?
The wearing of a smile?
The smile that renders me weak?
Blush? Melt?
Yes.
The one that creates possibility.
Accept all answers
with a nod, and a questioning smile.
I won't speak, but keep asking
with ocean eyes.
Do I wear you down?
With my letters?
With my eyes?
Or can I cook you dinner?

which is it?







xo, bex.


---------------------------------

Much received.

Stronger than a hundred ships,
remember?
I read to you, last November.

See the armies, with us?
See Jehovah's saving hand,
Outstretched in your behalf?
A number as grains of sand.

He'll never leave, or abandon
No need to fear, with such gifts!
No gift greater than won ransom.
Thru trials, our faith he sifts.

Righteous
Mercy
Justice
Honorable in all ways.
Loving-kindness eternally
Undeserved displays.

Jehovah is this for you.
Jehovah is that for me.

#193... Can ya dig it?!

Attention Kittens! Kittens Everywhere!

I am so close to posting my 200th blab of nonsense(read:perfection), you can almost smell the cupcakes of celebration about to burn!! Can't you?! HA just kidding, I would NEVER burn a cupcake. Cruelty upon all levels.

As I was browsing my Google Reader(which was quite dusty) that I haven't been very loyal to, I curious'ed myself into clicking a picture one of my favorite bloggers had posted of a living room with globes as decor... Oh, what's that? You'd like to see?

[Here you go, sweet child]

How FUN, RIGHT? I'll be sad if you hate them. 

I'm NOT a huge fan of the couch or pillows(or the rug =/), just the tastefully organized shelves of color-coordinated-delight and the GLORY GLOBES of  all variety... 

The wall paint is nice too. Anyway...

My POINT IS as follows: Today I realized something very important.

A few weeks ago, I was in a vintage store and a Bother(name is irrelevant) 

questioned my love for globes, in a devaluing-way to my opinion, 

and at the moment I didn't have a specific response of WHY. 

Well of course, I am not one to change my mind for the 

cause of "Peer Pressure" (bah! what a filthy phrase), so I continued to love globes.

Upon seeing this picture, it sparked my memory of this conversation 

and I re-visited what I should-have-could-have said.

Happily, in my brainthoughts, I replied: 

"It's my home! I like to hold it and look at it

and I LIKE TO KNOW WHERE I AM."

All of a sudden, my brain was giddy and it made perfect sense. 

I like to know where I am, 

that's why I get discontent when I can sense that I'm not wanted 

and unhappy and mentally exhausted when I am not "home" with the situation. 

You know that warm, home-feeling, when things are easy and make-sense?

No matter where you are. Even if you're away from your element, 

having someone or someTHING that makes sense 

on-your-mind is comfort enough for the little-while-that-you're-away.

Globes aren't necessarily "home," in such a deep meaning, but they sure are cute. 

I think old ones are neat to decorate with, 

plus they're slightly educational and interesting as they've changed over the years, 

and come in all sorts of fun colors! 

Here's some wins; pass them out, there's enough to go around.

 I just embraced a little more of myself today :] 

So kiss off, schmucks who question my globe-love! 

 *Flexes arms and growl face*

grrr! >:D 

(you have to imagine-in the scrunch over my nose!)

Sorry it's been so long, I've been busy managing life, 

but I'm not abandoning all my kittenfaces. Miss you!

Please take care :) 

xox, Bex.

While you cursed in torment, knee's up to your chest
you asked just for a breath & then pleaded for rest..
what else could I do, besides hold up your head
in patience just cradle, & feel the hope spread.

Your heart tried to give up on you so I said 'take a deep breath,
take another one - hold it - let go, now my friend.'

And your inhale was as strong as the day you were born,
you still hurt but you made it, a bit feathered and torn.
Still, thru day 1, and a full twenty four hours
you carried your vice, & still clutching your power...

The grey hours to follow, you may not remember
but to me, your life in that moment, I held most tender...
your memories, your love, the best things that make you
are invaluable, cherished to not just a few...

________________________________________________

Whew! Corny. But I'm lovin' it. Go away McDonalds.

oh for the record, you are the sun in my sky
you're the grain in my rye, the day to my night...

missing you is something I could never get used to
'cause every day is another day I choose you.

so don't every go away
don't tell me you can't stay
I'm right here with you, you're right here with me
and that's as far away as we need to be...



______________________________________________________

Top o' the Tuesday to yer!

hai!

THIS WEEKEND!!!! I was in a photo shoot for my photographer-friend-Jenna, who is super creative & talented. She came up with this idea to photograph us in a field of yellow buttercups, & we were to act sad & forlorn over a "lost love." Oh that sounds weird to you, huh? CHECK IT OUT. As I say, don't knock it, 'til you try it ;) It turned out to be a beautiful day, and all the pollen was floating freely... now I am congested beyond belief. BUT, it was worth it. :] I know, I'm weird. Promise to go see Jenna, and the whole shebang???(coughINCLUDES-BLOOPER-REELcough) Dang, excuse my dry throat. Go see her blog NOW! She's for hire!! ;)
Here's a little teaser story for ya...

Oh HOW shall I ever recover?  ...

...His love was all I knew.

~~~

Hey, wait a sec! I'm important too! 

"Plus I'm tired of sitting around moping!"

 "Time to dry our eyes, friend."

 We will pick flowers. We will see the world.
We will see new faces in our flowers!

Oh, and we'll make GRR faces at new people too.

;]

See you Friday, knucklehead.

<3, bex.

The thing about love...

underpass near my work

This made me smile.

The thing about love is that you can find it in anyONE, anyTHING, anyWHERE. 

Sometimes we just have to look a little harder than the surface to see it.

& who says it's gotta be more than just vandalizing a public underpass? ;) 

I think it's perfect.

xoxo, bex

------------------------

p.s.! Soon! And I mean SOON! There's gonna be another little tab born, F-Y-E.
Keep your eyes peeled. You're welcome.

~

Sonny and Cher would be proud.

Dove face! You came back :] So glad. Thanks for joining me on my Friday ritual of CELEBRATING the end of yet another speedy-week! Tell me about your week, was it terrible? Was it memorable in any way?

I have something to tell you. (Shh!!) I - officially - am - a - college - student.
WHOA. I know. Calm down. Put that Silly String away! :) But whip out that Long Island Iced Tea!! I could use a relaxer. This week has been HECTIC and great. Maddening and excitingly happy. Just ready for it to balance out again(hello, WEEKEND!) and be back to work again Monday morning... PART. TIME. Ya heard!! Part time!!!

I CAN'T WAIT! The first classes I'm taking are 'Intro to Dreamweaver' and 'Intro to Systems Concepts'. I'm done talking about me. Here's a little something I wrote during a downpour that kept my mind flooded(ya like that pun?) full of things I had been feeling, that the rain helped release. OH! And Seattle is really under a Tsunami Watch right now. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Crazy. Not nearly as serious as the one for Japan, today. :( Oh, keep them in your prayers, please. So scary!! Pick your chin up and get ready(put on your weekend pants!) to responsibly celebrate relaxation. :) Have a safe couple days. xoxoxo!!

Fake Rain.
Waves of water bullets slap the blacktop.
I don't think I've ever seen it so ridiculous-
it can't be real, because I feel like I'm watching
the fake rain in any romantic comedy....

...drenching the couple who are arguing in the "downpour"...
rekindling a love they figured had been lost.

What's my next line? And you're late; aren't you supposed to be standing here,
telling me what you hate most about me-
and it ends up being completely endearing?

You're just late, that's all. Tied up by a thousand red lights,
or an errand, that unexpectedly got drawn out.
Story of our lives, right? You and I... we're off, time-wise,
but we're right, in the rightest way.
And I'll wait.
And I won't be mad when you finally get here.
Cause that's love.
That's you & I, babe.

I don't believe you!

Friday has rolled around YET again. *shock & awe*

All this week, it's been about 3 different seasons.
Summer is the only one missing... of course -_-

It's been
1.) Sunny & Freezing(fall-like),
2.) Snowy(snow that falls as snow, and hits like rain), and disgustingly muddy everywhere
3.) Rainy & windy(sarcasm alert: MY FAVORITE!)

So imagine my delight when I leave my house one BRIGHT & freezing morning for 

work... and I look up to see this:  

Yeah, beautiful! (Thanks iPhone!)

Then I look down, to step off the porch and see this:

Uhh, what? Snow? I don't believe it, so I'll just pretend I didn't see that.

After all, there's no snow anywhere else....

See? I don't believe it. And YES these really were all taken in the same 3 minute span.

Farmin' Washington.

Also, have you been introduced to Lincoln?

He's pretty fun. He's pretty impressive, actually. He's a gymnastics pro and an amateur in Tae Kawndo.
And he speaks Latvian.

Last week, it was time for him to get a bath. Ahem.

He was very hurt by this, and let it show. So sad!

When Lincoln emerged from the cleansing tho, he has passed the 'hurt' stage, and moved onto 'acceptance.'

He didn't fight the dryer, but I could tell that all he wanted, is for the process to be over with 

so we could snuggle again.

Look at that forlorn face :(

Coming out fluffier than EVER, and delightfully cuddly, I decided it would be a LONG time before I put him thru the torture chamber again. After all, he's only the best little-bear a woman could ask for!

He's embarrassed by my crazy-hair.

That's freshly blow-dried, WHAAAAAATTTTT!!!! :)

That's a sign of a good parent tho; the ability to embarrass your children at any given moment.

"Please, mom NOOO!!!"

(Wow, now that I think about it, I'm embarrassed by my own hair.)

Happy weekend days, folks. You muffin-heads be safe, or else... I don't even wanna hear about speeding tickets, or broken nails!! *shudder*

Love, love, love xoxoxo Bex...

The Weekend Re-cap

Wow. This weekend! Blew by, like a gust through my breezeway(o_O), but it was productive!

Firstly, Friday I saw a sight I'll probably never witness again. Too funny, NOT to get a picture(or two) this. Get a load of that!! That's aluminum foil, underneath Saran-Wrap. That would be a pain to get off, I'm sure. Severely unfortunate.

Secondly, Target(where I snapped the aluminum car) was having a sale on a few accordion file folders, so ... being tax-season and all, I'll have all my junk out to go thru anyway right? Right. So I bought a fresh one, and consolidated all my old papers into the new arrangement. Voila!
Cute, huh? :)

Hello, taupe. You look mighty fine.

HOORAY for organizing.

Then I did massive piles of laundry. Then I FOLDED massive piles of laundry. Then I changed my sheets. YESSSSSS. Is there nothing better!?

Than FRESH sheets?!

Yeah, that's 3 pillows for 1 me.

ONE new FIRM pillow, that I also got at Target last Tuesday(?), has significantly changed my sleep quality, tho- I cannot rave about my good sleep enough. It's not even an expensive one, just like $9 or something. Change your life dramatically, shop the Target brand pillows ;)

And my dog Maverick winked at me.

Spoiled rotten dog, on the leather chair. I told my parents that they have absolutely ruined him! haha

But how precious is he? :) love.

One more thing before I go..... I've been dabbling with Watercolor(watchoutNOWW!!)

You likey??
I haven't decided when I should start doing this for real, but I enjoyed myself just playing around.
Bam! Love you, munchkins. Be safe :)
Stay healthy. 'Til Friday, loves!!
xoxoxo bex

Dove Says...

ahh, missed it!

still learning :)

MMkay, looks like I'll keep on, keepin' on.

love xox, bex :)