Everyone knows white pants are dangerous. But how about on airplanes?
Actually I look pretty dang cute, so just put that opinion back where it came from. HELLO ALL! I just decided to do some mid-air writing on my flight home from LA.
M is sleeping somewhat soundly to my right and to my left is a comfortable Goatee-wearing Gentleman in your typical "Jeans and t-shirt guy" stereotype. Speaking of which, so begins my list of Airplane stereotype categories that you all know you fall into at one point or another. I'm sorry to alarm you. But you fit somewhere(insert Michael Scott joke here).
I guess to be fair, I will start off categorizing myself.
--> "Frequent Flyer": Sweatpant capri's & flip flops. This girl knows the importance of being comfortable in small spaces, but at the same time "cute" for traveling opportunities(SURE I guess cute is used relatively). *curtsy* Hence the bright blue Pea Coat! Laptop in tote-like bag, not the bulky business case from Wal-mart with the crappy quilting and no pockets/flaps/slots left unequal. By that I mean pockets for everything: multiple pens, blank CD's you won't use, nailpolish, diapers, spare sub-woofer, the list goes on and on.
---@ THIS POINT I THINK ITS APPROPRIATE TO MAKE A SIDENOTE CONCERNING THE PEANUTS. "Party Mix" they are calling it now, oh excuse me... "Gourmet." I supposed this is to make it appear larger than a sugar packet, right? Yes, but not really. And also that makes it automatically classy. Lets continue, shall we? This time in alphabetical order you say? Can Do!
--> "The Asian Couple": Young or old, you've seen them. They usually fall into one of two extremes: the keep-to-themselves, or the Yell-across-the-cabin-to-each-other type. Both have gold jewelry, and could pass for 1st class, based on their attire, but you and I know they're just thrifty.
--> "The Australian": Whether or not this man is from Australia, he sure fits the part. He dons a wavy, sun-streaked mane. Chewing gum at times, obnoxiously smiling to himself. Is he high?
--> "The Businessman": He comes in two forms. #1-the Classy, and #2- the Swindler. The Classy is quietly tapping away on his blackberry or smartphone, while the Swindler is yelling INTO his. Both are getting things done, the latter altho is less effective, and less considerate of others around him. I have yet to see this is woman-form. Have you?? I would like to know of your experience. NEXT!
--> "The Carefree Scrub": Listen, I'm sure he's a nice guy or a good friend or whatever... but he's not doing my eyes any favors. He generally doesn't bother ANYone. He probably wore those jeans the entire trip without one wash, and his raggedy t-shirt ...well he flipped it inside out, especially for today's flight.
--> "The Clueless Husband": With or without wife, this guy is doing it wrong. The poor guy. He loses his ID last minute, finds it at security, and manages to lose it once more before boarding. But you know he belongs to SOMEONE because as dizzy as he looks, he's probably a great dad.
--> "The Dimwit-Botox-Lady": Looks like a cat. YIKES! Blond hair. Over-sized luggage that she can't lift, and wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much makeup for 7AM. She politely smiles & bats her 3lb false eyelashes around, fishing for help with that Louis Vuitton knockoff suitcase(its
gotta be a knock-off, otherwise what is she doing in the Coach-Class?)
--> "The Exit-Rowers": That's me again. I got the middle seat tho, so spreading out isn't too huge of an option for me. But this guy- the guy in the classic blue plaid- exactly across the aisle from me, he's got the Seattle's Best cup. He's got his tray down before take-off. And he isn't paying attention to the SNORING space-leech next to him blocking the view out the window(See "S").
--> "The Preacher": Yeah, he's got his giant wooden cross(home-made no doubt) hanging on his neck, and his suspenders over his denim collared shirt. Also, he is LOUD! Holy Trout! He is louder than the whole awaiting-gate-crowd combined on his flip phone! Did I mention he's giving out his credit card number and last 4 of his social?! He's sadly asking for it. Which brings me to S.
--> "The Sleeper": This is the one that I appreciate. They don't try to make pointless conversation with you. Nor do they try to find out your whole life story, and they don't even bother to give the stink-eye to whoever just nudged them awake. Whether or not they get a full-flights rest, they are content to themselves and seem to wake up conveniently when the drink-cart rolls their way. I can't sleep sitting upright, so I sadly cannot participate, BUT that just makes me the quiet observer of these fine specimens.
--> "The Snoring space-leech": This person doesn't have any regard for physical space, OR audible space. Their snoring is terrible, as is the breath that takes up your nostril space. *shiver*
....Last but not least- I must give kudo's to the STAFF. The most important person on the plane. More important than the mysterious man flying this thing, is....
-->
"The Unnecessarily-Patient-&-Hilariously-Witty-Stewardess": She KNOWS that bag isn't going to fit. But she'll HELP! She twists and she turns it, breaking a SWEAT even!! Boy, is she dedicated. And when she has no choice but to speak the unspeakable "We'll just have to check this bag, sir/ma'am," She looks like she wasn't even expecting it. Worry & concern even play across her mug- truly impressive. They don't even know what just hit them, but we do, you & I. We observe. And we write these articles.
Did I miss anyone??
