February Catchup

Good Afternoon, Monday!
I'd like to take a minute or two and discuss briefly my past couple years on ' thewaywelaugh.'
I have loved having my own personal internet space. Knowing people are visiting & reading my aimless thoughts, is the little tiny bit of secular fulfillment that my ego needs every here & there. And this isn't a "It's been nice to know you, so goodbye" post. Definitely staying.

(*applause*?)

Just wanted to say "Hi, thank you SO gratefully, and please keep comfy."

I think now I've "remodeled" my website 3 times over the last couple years, just to keep things fresh. I did so again last Tuesday & I would like to hear your thoughts, if you noticed ;] ...

I've made some specific dedications on here in the past & this heartfelt post will be no different. Laughing is a cure to me. And to be honest, I haven't had as many good, hearty laughing sessions as I have needed in the last 6 months. I've had a relatively rough time adjusting to big-kid life, accepting some changes I've had to make, & leaning on certain people that I never expected to open up to. Into my life again, walked a woman that has both walked in & out of my life numerous times. Our friendship has transcended rationale. We've fought hard, we've cried together, we agree often & we have often agreed-to-disagree. For one, or a billion reasons, our friendship has reunited & glued us together for eternities that we'll never understand. But since the airing of the Disney Classic The Fox & The Hound, our mutual agreement upon the following lines couldn't be easier:

- "We'll always be friends forever, won't we?"

- "Yeah, forever."

That seals the deal. So Kelly, thank you for everything. Your sly humor, your teasing, your generosity, advice, hard-knock-love and your hugs when I've needed a lift so badly. They've meant more than all our growing mistakes. I will always support you in whatever you allow me to, & be there, for whatever new circumstance approaches your life. I can't wait for lots of years and more life shared with you, my ultimate best friend.

There have been numerous others as well, who have been there to share an insightful viewpoint, shake a finger at my mouth, and/or just hear me out when asked: "So how ARE you?"  And those particular ones who have been "granted" "the golden nugget of my friendship"... I thank you also. Heavily.

Katie(You just are the best kind of friend material. I love how easily you make me laugh. Don't stop.)
Mariah R.(You quickly shake me down into a condensed, more ideal version of myself)
Abby(You support me through anything, & tell me how it is, too)
Marino(You aren't afraid to yell at me when I need it, & keep me realistic. Huge respect, friend.)
Adam(You manage to still love me, even though I'm not the ideal family member)
Courtney(You GET me. And you always will. Couldn't deny that if I tried)
Patrick(Best brother ever, you keep me distracted exactly when I need it),

...these have all been little rocks along my way of instability. And a few others that I can't mention. You know who YOU are. And you're still here reading, which continues to prove your support & concern.

Everyone? Sincerely, I love you.


love, bex

Ohio in snapshots

Now that I have returned & the dust has settled... here are my tiny adventures.

 I am officially back from Ohio, and I officially won't go
back for YEARS. I hope my family & the friends
I actually have left there, come visit me in Seattle now.
No offense, I'm just all Ohio'ed out.

My first childhood friend Rachel & I, bottom left.

We went to a big-kid's version of chuck-e-cheese's called "Scene 75" and played hard. We survived Glow-in-the-dark Mini Golf, climbed ourselves through the Laser-Frenzy, dislocated a shoulder in the Bouncy House, & danced the rest of the night away with excellent DJ'd jams til we were so thirsty,  the snow on the ground looked appealing. But not before the incredible 12 Foot Mosaic-tiled Michael Jackson caught my eye.

 My grandparents have such quirks. Grandma's silly sayings crack her up so hard, she's still laughing 6 minutes later. Grandpa often takes naps with shoes on, sticking out of his blankets & off the edge of the bed. And my mom's hair does it's own thing when it senses she's not using a mirror.

And last. These are where the feelings run deep. These kids sincerely weaved themselves into my brain synapses.
I miss them like crazy.
{Clockwise from top left}
Sweet baby Aurora, just new & curious with her Disney-eyes; she stole me away. Gavin's quiet sneakiness, and sincere obedience to his parent's voice melted my pre-parent core. No one besides this kid, can make his brother Maverick laugh so hilariously.My darling Payton... who knew a 4 year old could be so witty? She's sharper than I ever hope to be & yet loving all at once. Baby Jaxon's good manner & shocking blue eyes had me captivated the whole time. I miss all my little loves.

full.

the words that I've loved
this entire lifetime
sadly, seem foreign now,
void of feeling, to see.

for my actions, and intent
have all been fulfilled,
gifts, mercy, time & energy
I could never rebuild.
Or forget.

you've got all my organs,
every vein,
every last salty tear,
I am hollow,
no breath do I know,
having shown you any fear.

My love, your pain is nothing compared
to the loss I will endure for you...
the treacherous jungle I've trailed behind,
I find, I revisit alone.

Your distance never trips me,
your hold is the safest,
your gaze allows me to
prove all of my patience.

What can you do, now?
and what will you show me?
Every minute I wait for your motion
tiring my heart, exhaling its plea..

How much I have loved, I do not measure
I cannot, will not, expect a certain weight;
in return for the exactness of my heart's, feeling
complete, swelled and full, to match the given rate.